Psychology and reasons for breaking up a relationship with a man. Behavior after a divorce, how a woman can go through such a difficult situation.
A divorce for a woman is a great emotional stress, requiring the expenditure of all psychophysical forces in order to correctly assess the current situation and get out of it with the least loss for her health, when, after several years of living together with a man, there is not at all a rosy prospect of being left alone with children in her arms. …
The psychology of divorce for a woman
According to the Federal State Statistics Service (Rosstat), in the country, depending on the regions, after 5 years of marriage, up to 60% of marriages break up. Not the worst statistics in the world, albeit quite disappointing. So what is the psychology of a woman after a divorce that pushes her to such a step?
A social motive for divorce cannot be ruled out. Now young people born at the end of the last century are getting married. After the collapse of the Soviet Union, the sharply deteriorating economic situation in Russia affected the well-being of many families and affected children. Growing up, they began to look for material benefits in the relationship between the sexes. This applies equally to men and women.
The bar of public morality has dropped. Prudence became the basis of the marriage union. Now even the concept of a "marriage contract" has appeared. When conditions are negotiated in case of divorce, so that there are no unnecessary claims if you have to scatter.
Today we have become easy to relate to the institution of the family. Divorce is no longer perceived by women as an out of the ordinary event in life. There was even an expression “to get married”. It's so easy and simple, like going to the store for bread. “I have tried once, and I will try another. What's wrong with that? Katka got married three times already, and nothing, lives for herself. Am I worse?"
Love has replaced sex. And this is intimacy without responsibilities. Hotness is characteristic of youth. Now many perceive their passions as a true relationship and rush to the registry office. And when the passion passes, it turns out that they were cruelly mistaken in each other.
When the husband is the initiator of the divorce, the wife is overwhelmed. She is in a depressed state, she is very worried. After all, you will have to be left alone, but what if there are children in your arms? How then to be, because they need to be supported, and the salary is small.
And then a dilemma arises: either to close our eyes to the defiant behavior of the husband (for example, he is cheating), to pretend that nothing has happened, and to console yourself that you need to endure for the sake of the children, or abruptly break off the relationship.
Not everyone is able to leave her husband. Here you need to have character and not be afraid of the consequences. After all, until everything is settled, you will have to raise the children alone, for example, there are no parents or they do not help. An independent and independent woman in her judgments is quite capable of doing this.
A third option is possible - try to have a frank conversation in order to sort out the relationship and reconcile. Forgive each other for all their small and big sins, try to re-learn how to live together - without lies and deception. If the dislike for each other has not gone far, this is quite likely. As you know, hope dies last.
Some women in such a situation, especially when there are no children, “go off the rails” and go all out - they start to walk uncontrollably. However, this is not a way out of the situation, there will be no happiness from such a life, only problems.
It's important to know! Divorce for a woman is not an ordinary event. If it does happen, you need to be ready for it, so that later “you don’t slurp soup with bast shoes” - you don’t be left alone without a livelihood and hope for a new happy life.
The main reasons for divorce in women
The reasons why women initiate divorce vary. However, everyone is disappointed in her husband. Today, female representatives are more independent and do not want to tolerate a person next to them who does not meet their life needs.
External reasons that gave rise to divorce may be:
- I really want to, but no mind… The girl is already ripe for an intimate life, but psychologically she is not ready to create a family. There is no idea that this is a great moral responsibility. There is no desire to take care of her husband, children, order in the house. Love without responsibilities is much more beautiful. Disagreements begin with the spouse. It comes to divorce. At the trial, such couples often explain that they did not agree in character, each has a different vision of life together.
- Emancipation… When the feeling of independence goes off scale, “you and I have equal rights, but mine is“more equal”. Such women are rather frivolous about family life. They do not like to do housework. They always have the argument that if her husband starts to "run into" her, you can run away in time.
- Disappointment in family life… Affected by fatigue from relationships, everything is annoying. Love is boring, household chores too. The husband suddenly became a burden, she earns good money even without him, she will be able to support the child herself. He does not understand what is happening with his soul mate, makes comments to her, she brushes off his reprimands. Quarrels begin, sooner or later they lead to divorce.
- Despot in the family… The husband humiliates his wife in every possible way, believes that he is the head of the family. If she tries to object, she opens her arms. Some women, due to the peculiarities of their character, humbly endure beatings. This can go on for many years, but then patience comes to an end, they find the strength to leave. And others remain all their lives under the heel of a despot husband. The reasons can be different. Let's say there is a fear of being left alone with children, or there is nowhere to go.
- Husband drinks… It seems sober - good, but as soon as he drinks, so run out of the house. She endured for a long time and persuaded him to stop drinking. When he has sober up, he promises, he repents that he will no longer look into the glass. But some time passes, drinking starts all over again. Persuasion does not help, but does not want to be treated. Does not consider himself an alcoholic. The woman cried out all her tears, she had to get divorced.
- Constantly changing… He found a mistress on the side, or even got hold of another family, but does not want to go to her. It's a pity to break the usual way of life, and you don't want to lose children either. But he does not feel past feelings for his wife, only powders his brains. She understands this, endures, she is even ready to forgive treason, just to settle down. But all in vain, divorce is inevitable.
- Feelings are gone… Love is hot and passionate. And suddenly she went somewhere. They became indifferent to each other, started a love affair on the side. Only children keep the relationship, but now they have grown up, they began to understand that mom and dad are not doing well. And the couple decided to disperse quietly, peacefully, without traumatizing the psyche of their children. Although quite often there are high-profile divorces, accompanied by mutual accusations of all mortal sins.
- Deeply personal… In court, most often such couples hide the reason for the divorce. And the point is the dissimilarity of views on intimate life. He wants a lot, but she doesn't need it at all, especially when the children have appeared. There is discord in the family, the husband begins to go to the side, she sees it and cannot stand it. It comes to divorce.
Divorce is an extreme, when the relationship of the spouses is at an impasse. Before scattering, you need to try to find a way out of this situation. After all, there was a beautiful thing in life, because of what they fell in love with each other!
How should a woman behave after a divorce?
There was a divorce, how should a woman behave in this case? After all, this is a serious stressful situation. In terms of the power of influence on the female psyche, it ranks second after the death of a loved one. And it is worth making a lot of effort to get out of this state.It is especially hard for a divorced person if she has children. It is difficult for a single mother to raise children. Not everyone succeeds in finding a decent way out of this situation. Let's consider all these cases in detail.
Woman's behavior after divorce if there are no children
Some representatives of the fairer sex confirm the conventional opinion that they are weak-willed: they go on about their negative emotions and cannot soothe the bitterness of parting with their husband. They harbor evil on him, try to blackmail him. The lonely life of such turns into a nightmare. The destructive principle does not paint everyday life and kills the personality. The woman turns into a fury - a vicious and grumpy hater of men.
Others believe that unexpected freedom is an excuse to start a new life, in which there are no moral restrictions. And they begin to look for adventure, not particularly burdened by connections with men. It is good if such a loving life ends well. Often she brings venereal diseases, and it also happens that the new boyfriend turns out to be a crook and simply steals from his "beloved".
Single women often trust their girlfriends, heed their advice. And they are far from always reasonable, but said on a wave of emotions. Living not by their own mind, such "divorces" often fall into a mess, and then complain that life did not work out. Such self-esteem is completely belittled.
It's important to know! On the ring of King Solomon was the inscription: "This too will pass." Divorce will also go away, but you need to live on, without negative emotions. And believe that everything in life will definitely work out. You just have to really want it.
Woman's behavior after divorce when there are children
When a woman after a divorce was left with children in her arms, she had the only thought of how to ensure a tolerable life for her children. Some immediately try to bring another man into the house, they say, the children need to be supported, she herself is not able to do this. And a “new” dad appears in the house.
Often, the mother does not explain this behavior to the children. Do they want to see a new man in the house? He is formally polite with them, but there is no feeling of spiritual unity at all. A chill of alienation reigns in such a family. The relationship of the stepfather with the children does not go well, this affects the relationship between adults. With a new husband, a woman does not feel happy.
Mom behaves incorrectly if she does not tell the kids why dad left the house. Like, when they grow up, then they will understand. A son or daughter does not understand this, relations in the family can deteriorate to such an extent that the children do not obey and behave very insolently. In such cases, they say that "the guys got out of hand." In that case, at least shout a guard to your mother.
It is bad if, after a divorce, a woman does not allow her children to meet with their father and sets them up against him. This behavior does not paint, but only creates difficulties in education. In the future, children may well do the same with their mother. As they say, what I fought for, I ran into it. There are many cases in life when grown-up children, if not with hatred, are so completely indifferent to their parents.
It's important to know! Children are not a bargaining chip in a woman's life. You cannot use them for your own mercantile purposes in order to achieve some kind of momentary benefit. In the future, this may turn against the mother.
How can a woman survive a divorce?
How to live after a divorce for a woman worries many female representatives. After several years of family life, loneliness is going through hard. And if there are still children nearby, whom the husband actually abandoned, not everyone will be able to safely get out of such a difficult situation. In this case, it is worth contacting a psychologist, his advice will help you regain confidence in life.
The following expert advice will help a woman survive a divorce:
- You need to change your attitude to the situation… After a divorce, you cannot "sulk" at your ex, see him as an enemy. You can't fix what happened, you need to take it for granted.You can't blame the man alone. It is necessary to comprehend why this happened. Both are to blame for the broken up of the family. An analysis of relationships will help you find the cause of what happened and forgive such a loved one just recently. This will help you calm down and make the right decision. All is not lost, life is beautiful and amazing, new unexplored horizons lie ahead. Happiness will surely embrace you!
- Get rid of bad thoughts! A woman after a divorce is fixated on the negative, the mood is gloomy, negative emotions are off the charts. Ahead is the unhappy prospect of a lonely life, this is when there are no children. But even with them, a woman does not feel a confident male shoulder next to her. In this case, severe stress can develop when the help of a doctor is needed. To prevent this from happening, you need to drive the sad from yourself. For example, waking up in the morning, you should smile and thank God for giving life. "Everything will pass, both sadness and joy." You need to cherish your emotions for good, and there are many of these around.
- New friends. There was a divorce, what should a woman do so that life does not seem like a pretty penny? How to continue to live alone? You should not be left alone with your gloomy thoughts. The wedge is knocked out with a wedge. In this case, friends will be a good "wedge". You should not push them away, you need to communicate with them more, spend time in fun walks and meetings. This will help relieve the pain of separation and feelings of loneliness. They say that death is red in the world. It is not necessary to die at all, but it is necessary to appear in society more often, for example, in a theater or on a sports field. A fun, relaxed atmosphere can help you cope with stressful situations and regain a sense of self-confidence.
- Revenge destroys the psyche… You can't get hung up on divorce, think that "here I will definitely take revenge on you." Negative thoughts define bad deeds. Let's say a woman can turn to a fortune teller to "jinx" her ex-hubby. And it’s not even a matter of whether it’s possible to harm or not. It is simply immoral to wish nasty things on a person. "Do not dig a hole for your neighbor, for you yourself will fall into it." Don't forget about it.
- Don't go to extremes! You should not despair after the divorce, they say, you are left alone, you need to urgently, before it's too late, to start a new relationship. Such a thought under a hot hand is unlikely to be a good one. As they say, out of the fire and into the fire. The old one has not yet had time to "burn off", but here is a fresh connection "to spite him." As a rule, it is fleeting, it will not bring anything good, but only even more traumatizes the soul. It takes time for passions to cool down, only in a balanced state, when common sense, you should solve your problems with men.
- Everything is good in moderation… Some women, after a divorce, go headlong into work, become a kind of workhorse that pulls the full load of all their worries. With such "selfless" work, they hope to drown the bitterness of parting with her husband. They do not take care of themselves, they strain their health. The consequences of this are negative. Work activities should be interspersed with reasonable rest periods to relieve excessive fatigue and get yourself in order. Only a healthy, well-groomed and beautiful woman can find happiness again. We must not forget that men love with their eyes.
- Emotions Shouldn't Be Held Back… If the divorce has caused great feelings, you should not restrain yourself, but go through them, only not in public, but at home in "proud" loneliness. Here you can give vent to your tears and speak out sharply towards your ex-hubby. Such a psychological release will calm the nerves, anxiety will go away. If this condition is repeated repeatedly, this is already hysteria, an obsessive, painful condition that requires medical intervention.
- Change your appearance… Into a new life - with a different image! There is no need to be afraid of this. A different hairstyle, clothing, and other cute tricks will only add charm to the female figure.This will arouse the approval of others, improve your mood and give you self-confidence. What is so necessary in such a difficult period of life.
- Caring for our smaller brothers… Some women are saved from loneliness by pets. Caring for them helps to calm the bitterness of parting with a loved one, gives peace of mind.
- Change of place… It's not bad after a divorce to go somewhere for a while. For example, to relatives in another city. Better yet, go on a long trip abroad. Acquaintance with the countries, customs and customs of an unfamiliar people will make an unforgettable impression and help you forget the bitterness of parting with your husband.
- Old stuff to the landfill! This is a tried and tested psychological trick. If we are to start a new life, it is necessary to get rid of the old things that symbolize the old life. Of course, within reasonable limits. First of all, this concerns the unnecessary, cluttering up the apartment. For example, an ashtray was left from her husband, she tells about many unpleasant things that he had to endure with him when he smoked, crumpled a cigarette and wings on his mother. And what is close and dear to your heart, let it remind you of the good moments of life together.
- Change the interior of the apartment… Renovation is also a good way to get rid of bad memories. Fresh design, for example, new wallpaper and tiles in the bathroom, will improve your mood and help you forget family strife.
- If possible, you need to change jobs… A different environment and new friends will help you survive the divorce, forget about your griefs.
It's important to know! It is worth listening to the advice of a specialist, but it is even better to listen to the voice of your heart. Naturally, when a strong mind, and not under the influx of emotions. After all, a sane person is not an enemy to himself and his life. And then the divorce will not seem like the end of the world.
How to survive a divorce for a woman - watch the video:
Divorce is a big blow to the psyche. And if a woman does not lose her head and is able to survive the stressful state, everything will work out for her. When emotions lead away from the “main” road of life, the life of such “divorced women” becomes uncomfortable and often meaningless.