Intimate relationships with a loved one and the causes of discord in a couple. The article will offer advice on how a spouse can regain her husband's affection and interest after giving birth. Relationships after childbirth are a complex, sometimes very tense interaction between a man and a woman, often reminiscent of a minefield with all the dangerous attributes accompanying it. The romance that was previously present in a couple can disappear without a trace, bringing in return irritability and mutual reproaches. If love has not yet faded between partners, then you should sort out the problem that has arisen after replenishment in the family.
The mechanism of disharmony in relationships after childbirth
Everything in this world is no coincidence, therefore, one should not complain exclusively about evil fate. Relationship with the husband after childbirth may worsen according to the following pattern of the development of the problem:
- Anxious anticipation of the appearance of the baby … Many women become feverish before having a baby. The process of self-contemplation is observed in expectant mothers, when all their attention is directed to their own body. The husband begins to realize that something is wrong with his soul mate, which he sometimes is not able to understand.
- Childbirth and its consequences … This process is the most joyful event in a woman's life, but it cannot be called painless. The greatest shock is experienced by the firstborn, because for them what is happening sometimes becomes a difficult test. If, however, she also happened to get to not the best doctors and staff, then the woman, in addition to the sensations, also has a serious psychological trauma.
- Baby care … The conflict begins to gain momentum when the spouse realizes that now the beloved has more important things to do than his persona. Of course, he is glad to be added to the family, but jealousy can also settle in his heart at the sight of his wife, who has dissolved in the child.
- Husband's dissatisfaction … The last phase of family drama is the eternally sullen spouse who lacks affection, both emotionally and sexually. A constantly exhausted wife can cause him to protest against the changed situation in the family.
Important! Even the most caring man is not always ready for this kind of change, so there is no need to judge him strictly for this. This is not a betrayal, but the process of a spouse getting used to a new model of family relations.
Causes of family discord after childbirth
You can try to create an ideal out of your beloved, but is this process worth the effort? After all, we usually love not for something, but contrary to all logic. Therefore, it is necessary to consider the reasons due to which the relationship deteriorated in a couple after childbirth:
- Lack of attention to the husband … As already mentioned, this factor can bring discord in the family with the newborn. Motherhood is a great time, but at the same time, often a woman does not see anyone around, except for her beloved child. The man begins to understand that he has ceased to be the main person in the life of his beloved, and he is not happy about this.
- Change in the appearance of the spouse … It's no secret that after childbirth, a woman's figure rarely gets better. Stretch marks, a tummy that appears can lead the fair sex into persistent depression. If at the same time the chosen one does not differ in a sense of tact and loves to loudly voice the changes in the wife's appearance, then everything usually ends with regular scandals in a couple.
- Imbalance in the body … At the same time, we are not talking about men who, after giving birth to their second half, do not suffer physically. Hormones are an insidious thing that can play a cruel joke even with the most sane woman. A young mother sometimes becomes emotionally unstable, because the depletion of the nervous system begins. At the same time, she breaks down on her spouse, because her circle of communication is now narrowed to a minimum.
- Everyday problems … A couple without children can sometimes sort things out for hours, competing with each other in the acuteness of the word. When a child appears, the situation becomes more complicated, because the changes that have taken place bear a certain responsibility. The scandal sometimes begins out of the blue, because both spouses were not ready for the emerging material difficulties. If the man is a curmudgeon at the same time, then it becomes difficult to avoid a stormy showdown.
- Restriction in sexual life … A young mother needs a period to recover from childbirth. It usually takes 4 to 6 weeks, which for some hyperactive men seems like an eternity. At the same time, there is a risk that the spouse will not immediately begin to react violently to the caresses of a loved one, because she simply gets tired after caring for a child.
- Difficult labor … With this factor, a woman can close down emotionally and physically, remembering the pain she has suffered. Someone forgets the torment right away, and someone begins to plunge into postpartum depression. What is happening cannot go unnoticed for a spouse, who sometimes does not know how to help his wife. In the future, he begins to move away from her, and family relations give a thorough crack.
- Lack of parental feelings … At the same time, it is worth voicing the mother's coldness when the baby appears, which also sometimes happens. For each of the couple who loves their child, it is very painful to observe the indifference of the second half regarding the adored child. Scandals in this case are rather tough, leading the couple to a logical ending in the form of divorce.
- Postpartum depression … This factor is similar to the consequences of difficult childbirth, but you should still distinguish between these concepts. The depressed state of the mother after the birth of the baby can turn into a serious threat to the family. The process of postpartum depression is very difficult to predict, but its consequences can be extremely dangerous for relationships. A sane man will understand and realize everything, but not the fact that he will endure the current situation indefinitely.
- The birth of a sick child or his death … Such a tragedy can break down a strong-minded person. Family relationships begin to deteriorate if there is no desire to rally in grief and support each other.
Note! In all these situations, the problem is sharply indicated, which must be eliminated. Otherwise, you can lose not only the trust of your half, but also her love.
Signs of disharmony in a couple after childbirth
Happy parents are visible immediately, because they groom and cherish their child, continuing to pay attention to each other. However, life does not always present us with exceptionally pleasant surprises, so problems after childbirth can arise in any couple.
To understand the essence of the situation that has arisen, you need to clearly understand for yourself the signs of an impending danger for the relationship:
- Refusal to communicate … This factor is a very disturbing sign for everyone who is married. At the same time, a wise partner will do everything possible to return the warm attitude of his soul mate. It should always be remembered that people in a relationship try to avoid heart-to-heart conversations only when they simply ceased to be interested in a partner.
- Fun outside the family … We all have the right to personal space and our own interests. However, at the birth of a child, a lot changes, because children require increased attention to themselves. If the father of the newborn continues to actively have fun in the evenings with friends, ignoring his family, then this is the beginning of a serious problem for a couple with a baby.
- Harsh criticism … A loving man will never, on business or just like that, morally destroy his spouse. However, a woman after childbirth sometimes also becomes categorical and sarcastic towards her spouse. If there is a voiced factor, then we can confidently state a discord in a couple after the birth of a baby.
- Lack of support … In this case, after replenishment in the family, both financial infringement and refusal to help their soulmate begin. Such an alarming signal cannot be ignored, because it may indicate the beginning of the end of the relationship.
Types of conflicts in the family after childbirth
It is very difficult to classify a crisis in a relationship in the same way, because there are different models of families. Psychologists distinguish the following types of problems after the baby has appeared in the family:
- Troubles in a civil marriage … Offspring is not always desired and expected for a couple who could have been created solely on the basis of sexual interest. Allowing his chosen one not to have an abortion during a trial relationship, a man in the future may bitterly regret this decision. Such a life story usually ends sadly, unless the conversation is about a very responsible representative of the stronger sex.
- Conflicts between young parents … This family model can be problem-free in very rare cases. It occurs mainly with an unplanned pregnancy of a girl. If a baby is born to spouses in an early marriage, then often after endless clarifications of the relationship, the couple breaks up. While still themselves immature individuals, the newlyweds may simply not be ready for the responsibility that has arisen.
- Conflicts in Mature Parents … If a woman has crossed the forty-year line in her life, then carrying a child and giving birth can be problematic for her. In addition, a capricious baby is more easily tolerated by a younger couple who are full of energy. Mature people get tired faster, because there is a possibility of the appearance of chronic diseases during their life span. All this is not an axiom, but scandals in a mature couple are considered a frequent occurrence. In addition, pregnancy can occur with the so-called false menopause, when a couple learns about conception at a fairly substantial period in a woman. All this introduces people of age into complete shock, then creating conflict situations after the birth of a baby.
- Problems in a guest marriage … This is the name of a couple in whom everything is officially registered, but the family has an unusual relationship format. Living separately, the spouses decide to have a joint child. However, it should be remembered that a baby is a huge responsibility and titanic work of two people. In addition, a couple can even live in different countries if one of the partners leaves to work. If before that everyone was happy with everything, then serious problems begin between the spouses in a guest marriage.
Ways to restore relationships after childbirth
For every loving and wise woman, there may come a moment when the relationship needs to be saved. It is not for nothing that they say that a man is a head, and a representative of the fair sex is a neck. Therefore, the partner needs to decide on the question of how to improve relations with her husband after childbirth.
How to restore spiritual intimacy with your husband after childbirth
If in a couple, after the birth of a child, coldness arose on the part of a loved one, then it is necessary to urgently eliminate the problem that has arisen. A woman can use the following tips on how to restore a relationship with her husband after childbirth:
- Communication … With the advent of the baby, all the mother's attention is focused on the baby. This is both right and fundamentally wrong, because the husband also needs understanding and affection. To deprive him of this is extremely dangerous, because he will feel superfluous in the formed trio. Consequently, the spouse may begin to seek solace on the side, which will lead to divorce. It is necessary to be interested in the problems of a loved one so that he understands what else is important for the mother of his child.
- Joint leisure … You can temporarily distract yourself from fluttering over your beloved child by watching an interesting program or movie with your husband. No one offers to go fishing with him or to a football pub, which is sometimes simply impossible. However, if you have capable grandfathers and grandmothers, you can ask them to take care of the child, devoting their free time to their chosen one.
- Romantic dinner … A beloved man will be pleasantly surprised if, instead of an exhausted shrew, he is unexpectedly met by a beautiful fairy. This is difficult to do, because the newborn takes up the lion's share of the mother's time. However, it is necessary to try for the sake of restoring the relationship, which has cracked. Scented candles, dinner from the husband's favorite dishes will make it clear to the unfortunate that the woman still loves and values her chosen one. Even if a young mother is not yet physically ready for an intimate relationship, her husband will appreciate her efforts to please him.
- Involving a man in caring for a child … Walking together will definitely make the family even more united and friendly. Let the dad take part in bathing and feeding the baby so that a strong spiritual bond is formed between him and the baby. In the future, the husband will want to spend all his free time with his son or daughter, which is also useful for his relationship with his wife.
All of these methods will work only if the woman is determined to save her relationship with her beloved. In addition, the husband himself must want to save the marriage, because otherwise all the efforts of the wife will be a waste of time.
How to improve a sex life with your husband after childbirth
It's no secret that intimate relationships are very important for a strong and stable marriage. However, discord often occurs in this area after a woman gives birth to a child. If the husband is loved and dear, then the following steps should be taken to return his attention:
- Putting the figure in order … Stories about the ideal body of a woman after childbirth are another myth for the gullible. A young mother needs time to regain its former shape, which is a natural process. A gym is not always within the means of a family, because it requires a certain investment. In addition, after the birth of a baby, it is quite problematic to constantly be absent from home, even for a short time. However, at the same time, no one canceled independent training in their own walls. On the same Internet, a huge number of exercises are offered that will return the figure to its former shape. It is easy to become sexually attractive to your husband again with some effort.
- Frank conversation with a loved one … As already mentioned, after giving birth, a woman needs to recover not only externally, but also physically. This will take some time, because otherwise she could be seriously injured. Childbirth is not just psychological stress for a young mother, but also significant changes in her reproductive system. You should listen to the recommendations of the gynecologist, who will tell you how long after what period of time you can really resume your sex life. In this case, it is necessary to explain to the spouse that everything will be wonderful, but only after a certain period of time. A loving man will understand everything, and an egoist who is ready to endanger the health of the second half is not worth fighting for.
- Introducing the husband to information on medicine … Having sex after childbirth can be intimidating for some women. However, inexperienced or too impressionable dads, the resumption of an intimate life can also be alarming after a loved one tells about the consequences of letting go of the burden. If the birth of a child was when the spouse was nearby, then sometimes for him it becomes a stop-signal for further having sex with his wife. Again, a confidential conversation with some medical facts, in which many men do not understand anything, will help.
- Acquisition of reliable contraception … The fear of re-pregnancy may seem a little strange, but it can negatively affect both the husband and the wife. The couple is not yet ready for the next child, so the sexual fuse can be muted by the voiced danger. Especially the fear of intimate relationships arises when the previous pregnancy occurred after the ineffectiveness of the chosen contraceptive. A woman needs to consult a competent specialist in order to resume sex life without the risk of a new conception.
- Constant flirting … Some young mothers may lose interest in sex because of the belief that the baby is now their sole focus of attention. There is some truth in this, but too much in this can be the collapse of the relationship between lovers. The husband should feel affection from his beloved woman, which may not even be in the sexual act itself. The partner will be pleased with flirting, affection and playful hints, which will only strengthen sexual relations after the woman's body is fully restored.
How to restore relations with your husband after childbirth - watch the video:
Every woman should carefully consider how to resume intimate relationships after childbirth. Warmth should be felt by the husband so that he does not start looking for care and understanding with another partner. However, it is worth remembering that the wife must fight to preserve the marriage only if there is love in it. It should also be noted that it is possible to correct the situation when both spouses are interested in its elimination.
